How to Speak Dating Like Zoomer: 51 Niche Phrases for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

This year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

Warning signs – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
Positive signs – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {

How to Speak Dating Like Zoomer: 51 Niche Phrases for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

A

The Letter B

C

The Letter D

E

The Letter F

G

The Letter H

The Letter I

The Letter J

K

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